I can’t tell you how many countless nights in those first two months after our baby boy arrived, that I turned to my husband with the hopes of relaying to him how I felt about our marriage. With every attempt to put my feelings into words, all I could come up with was, “Our marriage is different.” As I have had a few more months to ponder those words, and able to think a little more clearly ;), I want to share a few for better and for worst moments that I learned about marriage after having a baby.
First, The Priority scramble: Before our baby arrived my priorities looked a lot like, God, husband, family, ministry, etc.
After our baby arrived it looked like… Baby, baby, SLEEP, baby, baby, SLEEP, God, husband, SLEEP, baby.
Unfortunately with the little energy I had, my husband received the leftovers. I was so unprepared for the huge change that this new life would bring, and because of that, it’s taken me months to try and figure out this whole new role of wife/momma. A baby is a 24/7 responsibility and I have had to learn how to make my husband one of my priorities in the midst of this demanding job. Has it been easy?…no. Am I a pro at it yet?…no, but I am learning. Right now in the phase we are in, it looks like sacrificing precious sleep. When our baby boy goes to bed, I now choose to stay up a little later instead of rushing to sleep, so that I can spend one-on-one time with my man. Am I exhausted?…yes! But is it worth it?…absolutely!
Second, Learning the good, the bad and the ugly…A baby brings out the best and the worst in you. Between the lack of sleep, the crying, and the minimal alone time, a baby can reveal the selfish person inside. I thought that marriage was sanctifying, but oh boy! I had no idea that marriage was just a small taste of the sanctification process of motherhood. My husband and I have grown in the areas of offering forgiveness and grace to each other these past four months, like never before. You thought you pushed buttons B.C. (Before child), but those buttons now have grenades on them when sleeplessness and a selfish baby are thrown in.
Though there can be an ugly side, there is also a beautiful side to this new phase of life. My husband and I have been able to see each other sacrifice and love in a way we never had before. This has grown us even closer as we journey through parenthood together. I love watching my husband talk with our baby boy, make him laugh, or rock him to sleep. These moments are the one’s that I will remember.
Third, Laughter is good medicine: Did you know that anything can become hilarious when you are sleep deprived. I can’t tell you how many nights my husband and I have fallen asleep laughing uncontrollably. All I can say is laugh often and don’t take yourself too seriously. You will make mistakes, be an imperfect parent, or fail your spouse at some point. Offer grace and forgiveness, and then laugh about your day with the person you get to do this crazy, hard, wonderful life with.